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December 03, 2005 

Frankie Says...

Any of you who have seen (or spoken to) me recently will realise that I’ve been quite stressed. Mainly about the impending move and its associated stuff. I’m not sure how many of you, if any, realised quite how stressed. I know it’s sometimes boiled over into me snapping at a few of you, and for that I’d like to apologise now. It’s also led to some conversations which have mainly been speed-talking by me and confused (and slightly pitying) looks by the other party.

Those days are not over yet, but hopefully the effect on the world around me in general is now to be lessened. As of this morning my finishing date at work has moved forward a week, and Friday 9th will be my last day at work. Normally I try to avoid finishing on a Friday (it’s just too conventional) but I really need that whole week free. I can pack, and do paperwork, and throw things out, all to my hearts content. Hoorah!

Of course, those days will be over finally on the 16th when we leave the house. It’ll be a sad day. It’s our first home together and, for all its dodgy DIY I like it lots. So here, in memoriam, is a list of all the dodgy DIY items left over by the previous owner:

• Wallpapering over the brackets for the curtain rail, so we can’t change the rail without completely re-papering the living room and dining room.
• A small, strangely constructed, door over the water isolation tap.
• Random bits of wall without skirting board attached.
• Doors removed and not bricked up, simply boarded over then papered over the board.
• The wall in the kitchen created entirely of very small cladding boards pinned between the uprights, with no sign of plasterboard or brick anywhere.
• The vile vinyl in the kitchen covering quite nice tiles.
• Not having an oven at all in the kitchen, not even the power for it.
• The bath not quite matching the sink and toilet.
• Strange shelving contraption in small bedroom.
• Even stranger fitted wardrobe in master bedroom, with doors that never ever closed.
• Cupboards in the second bedroom that you can only open one door at a time because opening one forces another one closed.
• Strange desk thing that was held up by what appeared to be banister rails.
• False curtains (Gaargh! Why?!)
• Boxed in boiler with concertina door.
• Obsession with painting everything mahogany or mushroom. Except the splatter painted hall.
• Bars on the front window by the door.
So there you have it. And I’m sure I’ve missed some. I won’t be sorry to leave them behind!

Indeed, it will be a sad day when we close that door for the final time.

Some other memorable points:

• Most of the light switches and power points being surface-mounted.

• All of the pipework for the central heating system being exposed,
including the pipes that were fed through the (wo)man-built wardrobes
and cupboards in the two largest bedrooms.

• The rather shonky patio that looks as if it is a patio atop another. All

• The door handle on the inside of the living-room door that looks like if
you pull it down it will open the door, but is not connected to the
latch at all.

• The carpet in the small bedroom being held down with double-sided sticky

• The constructions in the living-room and dining-room that are built on
top of the carpet!

• Oh... and the wonderful concrete splat, which was meant to make up the
one-inch difference between the living and dining rooms.

But yes, we shall miss our first house enormously. We shall!

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