thribble

A year ago I had no idea what was coming up. I held a tiny baby in my arms and stared in wonder at you. I was astounded at how easily you understood breastfeeding when I had no clue. I loved to watch you sleep. I still do. I hated to hear you scream. I still do.

You always liked to see what was going on - being held upright you would push back and lift your head up to have a look around right from the start. You wanted to lift your head up, then you wanted to wriggle around, then crawl, and now you really don't like even to sit down. You love to hold on to something and stand and look, or even better have me hold you up high so you can see what I can see.

You've always been determined. At first you were determined not to sleep so you could be part of everything, but with the help of the fabulous nurses at sleep school you've learnt that if you sleep you can see more when you're awake. You were determined that you weren't drinking from a bottle, but now you love them. Now I watch you determinedly working out how to get out of a door, or up the stairs, or into a cupboard, or any number of other places you shouldn't be. I love that you want to explore and nothing will stop you.

We've had highs and lows. Lows so low I didn't think I'd come back, but the highs have been so high I thought I was flying. Every second has been worth it in the end and I wouldn't change you for the world. We've grown into a family together. This year has been unexpected, amazing, sad, frustrating, wonderful, beautiful and at the end of it I can look back with a clear mind and say I would do it all again for you.

It wouldn't be fair to end this without mentioning Pete, who has kept me sane and held my hand through all of this year. Thanks Pete. I love you.

And Eamonn, thanks for this year. Let's make next year less extreme but just as good! I love you, baby boy.